Mah kid…

turnd into jello, oooin nd ahhin, pointin at teh TV.

Johnny Depp.

OK, I can understand dat.

Course I haz been forevr traumatizd seein Billy Crystal as Legolaz, nooooooooooooo!

Actor in a Supportin Role - Tim Robbinz - MYSTIC RIVER how political, remarkably little, only on speakin owt on bein victim ov abuse.

Art Direcshun - A.J. presentd (kid noticd her nipplez) - THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE RETURN OF THE KING

Animatd Feature Film - Robin Williamz presentin “one by Pixar formerly wit Disney.” - FINDING NEMO …”extraodinary filmmakin environment ov Pixar…. Steve Jobz” mentiond, nice dig at Disney.

Costume Design - THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE RETURN OF THE KING dat’z 2

Actresz in a Supportin Role - Renée Zellwegr - COLD MOUNTAIN overwhelmd, thankd bunch ov folkz, yada, yada… Jay didn’t misz anythin by mutin.

Short Film (Live Acshun) - TWO SOLDIERS gotz drownd owt at teh end dedicatin … to soldierz…

Short Film (Animatd) - HARVIE KRUMPET Aussie film, he congratulatd “mah beautiful boyfriend Dan?”

Visual Effectz - THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE RETURN OF THE KING dat’z 3

Makeup - THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE RETURN OF THE KING dat’z 4

Sound Mixin - THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE RETURN OF THE KING dat’z 5

Sound Editin - MASTER AND COMMANDER: THE FAR SIDE OF THE WORLD

Julia Robertz on Katherine Hepburn, nothr tribute, Blake Edwardz waz first but I wasn’t payin attenshun, me bad!!!1! Watchin her I feel old.

Documentary Short Subject - CHERNOBYL HEART missd dat, readin email, ok show iz a little long, ok, very long, bout teh accident at Chernobyl frum wut I cud figure.

Documentary Feature - THE FOG OF WAR as small as dey showd teh clipz, can’t tell anythin, not full screen, ewww “Forty yearz ago, thiz country went down a rabbit hole in Vietnam - millionz did, I fear we’re goin down teh rabbit hole once again.”…. LOL!!!1! Awwww!!!1! political speech…

Billy Crystal… “weapon ov masz sleep inducshun” bout thiz one guy who iz ramblin on to honor Gregory Peck… ok lotsa peepz who did, LOL. Shur are a lot ov dem. Awwww!!!1! Wondr how many were in teh Dead Pool?

Music (Score) - THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE RETURN OF THE KING dat’z 6

Film Editin - Pierce Brosnan presentin nom - THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE RETURN OF THE KING dat’z 7

Billy Crystal “U noes peepz are movin to New Zealand jus to be thankd.”

Think dey are on teh last ov teh songz, finally. Andrew’z bloggin it too.

Music (Song) - “Thiz iz it, u time iz thru, u’re borin..” kewt, one ov teh funnir momentz - “Into teh West” - THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE RETURN OF THE KING dat’z 8 Annie Lennox acceptin “nd I hope u enjoyd teh song when I sang it 2nite…”

Foreign Language Film - THE BARBARIAN INVASIONS “We’re so thankful Teh Lord ov teh Rinz did not qualify in thiz category.” Hey next year, mebbeh dey can nominate “Teh Passion.” Aramaic iz a foreign language.

Cinematografy - MASTER AND COMMANDER: THE FAR SIDE OF THE WORLD

Writin (Adaptd Screenplay) - THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE RETURN OF THE KING dat’z 9

Writin (Orijinul Screenplay) - Tim nd Susan, oh oh, dresz lookkz liek it might fall off her boobiez - LOST IN TRANSLATION

Directin - Tom Cruise, pretty boy, presentin - THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE RETURN OF THE KING dat’z 10 “U’re givin uz an incredible, overwhelmin night.”

Billy Crystal “Nd he’z wearin shoez.”

Actresz in a Leadin Role - Adrian Brody presentin - Charlize Theron - MONSTER “I can’t believe thiz…” re managr “U’ve alwayz believd in me..”…”nd I’z not goin to cry..”

Nd teh moment mah kid iz waitin for, gee watchd teh whole thin jus for Johnny Depp…

Sry Johnny.

Actor in a Leadin Role - Nicole Kidman presentin “…for women thees are teh five stagez ov datin in Hollywood.” - Sean Penn - MYSTIC RIVER “…we noes how grate all ov u were.”

Best Piktur - Steven Spielberg presentin “Iz a clean sweep…” - THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE RETURN OF THE KING dat’z 11 tyin wit Titanic nd Ben Hur for most Oscarz. “Thiz iz jus unbelievable…”

Billy Crystal “Wut happend at teh Oscarz stayz at teh Oscarz.”